TrappeD. ForEVER CoiLed.

TrappeD. ForEVER CoiLed.

I’m never getting out

Of here.

Ever.

I’m trapped again

Domestic violence again

Sexual violence again.

R@pe me.

Kill me.

Cut me.

Resurrect me.

Just to do it again.

Fill my head with

Fantasies

Of my escapism.

Just to lie to me.

Just to say “sike”.

Bleed me out dry.

Dry me out.

Until there’s nothing left.

Get my hopes up

Just to watch them come crashing

Down.

Meteor.

Kill me like the Dinos.

Mama and Anna were right.

I’ll never become happy or successful

Without them.

Maybe I do need them?

Maybe Mama did place a

Curse? On me.

I woke up wanting to

Drown myself.

Llorona.

I woke up wanting to

Fill my lungs with smoke

Until I can’t see the light of day.

Our plans.

The plan.

Pause it.

My drowning

Growing deeper

With every conversation.

The more we talk the more

Impossible it seems.

Just leave me.

Leave me in my

Purgatory.

Don’t fill me with hope.

Don’t give me hope.

Don’t give me joy.

Because I’ll assume that

That joy will last forever.

When nothing ever does.

My inner child

In need of healing

Still.

My inner child.

Still confused.

Still believing every

Person that enters its

Life.

I need to tuck him away.

Far away.

From you.

From everyone.

But especially from you, Nono

He’s too vulnerable

Too broken

To meet people

To be in community with people.

The suicidal thoughts

Resurfaced, Nono.

My self harm

Resurfaced.

This merry go round

Of life.

I can’t be in this Ferris wheel anymore.

It’s going NO WHERE.

I’m going nowhere.

Because I am trapped.

Trapped forever.

“Be a good boy and sit”

All bad comes to those who

Patiently wait for 23 years

With their hands tied behind their backs.

Forever. Coiled.

4.12.2023 | 8:49 AM

Poetry by CÁMO (aka LA REINA TAÍNA)